probably paul: stuff-kicking-around-the-internets-dept.: you'll pry my motel room key from my cold dead hands, mister

No NURSING HOME FOR me!!!

No nursing home for us. We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00
per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.
I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount,
it's $59.23 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have
happy hours in the afternoon. That leaves $128.77 a day for
lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service,

laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa,
swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.

Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo
and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff
scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on
Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle
bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're
at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will
take your reservation today. And you're not stuck in one place
forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii ? They have Holiday Inn there too. TV broken?
Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem..
They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room
service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an
ambulance . . . or the undertaker. If you fall and break a hip,
Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you
to a suite for
the rest of your life.

And no worries about
visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and
probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.

The grandkids can use the pool.

What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING!

To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this email is

especially for you......

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV

(Hair is Vanishing)