stuff-kicking-around-the-internets dept: newlyweds

Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, New Mr and Mrs

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have
special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an
entire month."
 The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church. When
the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband
obviously was very depressed.


 "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
 "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for
the required month," the young man replied sadly.
 The pastor asked him what happened.
 "Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain through
sheer willpower.
 The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
 The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading
from the Bible, or anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts.
 But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she
bent over to pick it up, I noticed that she didn't have panties on and I was
overcome with lust and I had my way with her, right then and there," admitted
the man, shamefacedly.
 "You understand this means you will not be welcome into our church," stated the
pastor.
 "We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home
Depot anymore, either."